My Mamaw

(I wrote the following post for my grandmother, my dad's mom, on January 23, 2009, shortly after we had our second miscarriage - I was 12.5 weeks pregnant. I don't know why I didn't publish it then, but because I have no idea how long it will be before I post again, I thought I'd better do it now.) (I just realized that January of 2009 was 2 years ago. Wow.)

My Mamaw is a prayer-warrior. She carries my family in prayer and I am so grateful. There are times when she feels helpless because we are so far away, but she is tremendously helpful. In the last month I have depended on her prayers. We found out that our baby was gone on January 5th and Mamaw prayed. She called me the day of our appointment because God laid me on her heart. She had been thinking of me all that day. She was the first person I told of our sad news. She responded to the prompting of the Lord by calling me and she continued to care for me by praying. She and my Papaw also sent flowers, which are still living despite the lack of care they have received!

Thursday, I woke up feeling sick, so sick I felt I could not get through the day without someone praying specifically that I would be able to! I called Mamaw that morning to ask her to pray. It was the first of two horrible days. I was the first, then Chloe, next was Kevin, and finally Jake. We all were throwing up and feeling terrible. Mamaw prayed through it all. (She wanted to do "more", but I don't think it is possible to do "more" than pray. Beseeching the One who created us is not the least you can do, but rather seems to me like the most you can do. Sure there are other things that are helpful and may seem bigger, but I think that is just our earthly, limited perspective.)

I am grateful for you, Mamaw. Your example is compelling. You and Papaw pray for us, your family. We may not always express our gratitude, or even be aware of the hours you have spent before the Lord on our behalves, but recently, the Lord has opened my eyes and I want to take this opportunity to say thank you.

Thank you for bringing me and my family before the Lord. Thank you for persisting in prayer. Thank you for following up and checking in and carrying me on your heart. Thank you for responding to the prompting of the Spirit. These things make my heart sing in praise to God for placing me in the family that he did. My dad, your son, is a prayer warrior, too. I wonder where he got it from? Thank you for your example. I love you!

Sigh

So, dusty old blog, how long has it been? I've stopped pretending that I'm going to come back to this.

When? At what point in my day will I blog? What would I have to stop doing in order to fit it in? Dishes? I wish. Laundry? I suppose I could always wear the same pair of jeans, but I'm not sure how Kevin would feel about wearing dirty clothes. I could stop feeding the kids, but they get grumpy when they are hungry. I suppose, for now, I will have to just accept the fact that I do not have the capacity to blog. This admission makes me sad because I really enjoyed blogging. But, in light of the fact that I even stink at responding to emails these days, blogging definitely must wait.

And wait.

Too bad. I have some adorable videos of the kids.

*Sigh*

Perhaps, someday, I'll come back to it...