Reflecting.

We are pregnant and so grateful to be carrying yet another little one. This is my fifth pregnancy. Hard to believe. Tonight, I looked back on the journal pages capturing the days prior to and following the miscarriage. I still miss that baby even though we are pregnant again. I am still aware that the due date is approaching. When I see a very pregnant woman I still think about how big I would be and wonder how close to July 16th they are due. I still cry sometimes - like tonight. A new baby does not replace the lost one. 

I find myself saying, "we are pregnant", rather than "we're going to have a baby". Not because I am afraid, but because we don't know if we will have a baby. All we know is that, for right now, we are pregnant. There is a tiny life growing inside of me - today. Praise God! I will rejoice for today! I will grieve tomorrow if necessary, but today I rejoice. 

The Lord has blessed me this go round with little sickness. I have felt mildly nauseous only 3 or 4 times. It is really strange. I felt incredibly sick, all day long, everyday with the last one and was very nauseous with Chloe and Jake. I don't understand why I feel this way, but I am grateful.

Lord, thank you for the time we have with this baby. Thank you for blessing me with the gift of children and for the hope we feel as we anticipate meeting this one. We trust in your plan even if it hurts. If you have called us to more suffering, then we will trust you to walk us through it one small step at a time. Our hearts' desire to have a healthy baby this winter. Please, give us this baby and allow us to raise him or her for your glory! Allow us to lay down our lives for this one. However, no matter what the next few weeks and months hold, we will still strive to say - The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!

Thunder

Two or three days ago we were playing outside in the swelteringly hot summer weather. Chloe, Jake, and all four Dabbondanza children were playing in the kid pool and running through the sprinkler. Jenn and I were watching them and chatting on the porch swing when suddenly, the temperature dropped. A few minutes later we noticed amazing and ominous clouds rolling in! The shift in weather was dramatic and swift. We began rounding the kids up and running for the door. Within minutes the storm us upon us and we were watching from our windows. Chloe heard the thunder and began asking questions. She wanted to know where the thunder was, so I told her it was in the clouds. I answered her questions and explained that she need not fear because God controls the weather. He speaks and the wind and the rain stop. 

The next morning, Chloe was still thinking about the thunder. She asked me, "How does the thunder get down?" I don't remember how I answered her, but it didn't matter. She waited patiently for me to finish speaking and then said, "I know how it can get down. We can put a ladder in the grass. A reeeeally tall ladder." I smiled and tried to burn the conversation into my memory. Unfortunately, I cannot remember what else she had to say, but I remember loving the insight into the way her mind works! 

Prayerfully...

we are expecting our third on January 4th! We had our first appointment on Monday and were able to see the baby moving around a lot! It is amazing to see a baby so small moving tiny arms and legs. What a joyful moment for Kevin and me! Sorry for the fuzzy picture - Kev took a picture of the picture with his iPhone.  For those of you unaccustomed to looking at sonograms, the left half of the baby is the head and the right half is the body. The small dots near the top of the body and on either side are hands and arms (which are much longer than they appear) and the dots at the bottom are legs and feet.

We are trusting the Lord with the safety of our baby and are aware that we may not ever get to hold this little one. However, we are very excited and enjoying each day that we have to grow and love this baby. Of course, we are praying for a healthy pregnancy and delivery and that we will hold our little one this winter.  

I'm feeling well this pregnancy but I am extremely tired. I thank God for the symptoms I have because it means that I am still pregnant! It is impacting my ability to memorize scripture. I'm finding it much more difficult to focus and remember. Pregnancy brain has seized me early this time! Please pray that I will press in through these first-trimester days. Also, I'm seeing my deadline for completing Romans (August 1st) slip away. Kevin has encouraged me to just make new deadline rather than attempting to memorize even more at a time and beginning to feeling discouraged. I would welcome thoughts as well as prayers regarding this decision.

The other news I've been waiting to post about has to do with my amazing husband. Kevin will be starting the Pastors College this fall! For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, let me briefly explain. Our church, Covenant Life, is part of a family of churches called Sovereign Grace Ministries. They have created a Pastors College (PC) to train men to serve as pastors in their churches across the country and around the world. It is a one-year, intensive program designed to equip men (and, to a lesser degree, their wives) to effectively serve their local churches. We are thrilled to be going this year! It is a privilege to be Kevin's wife and to be able to serve him and our family as he enters this new season. 

So, there we are. All updated. We have had busy weeks lately so there are some details of lesser importance that I'll post sometime soon. This takes care of the big stuff: new baby, school for Kevin, new season of serving...all at the same time. This will be quite the adventure!

Romans 11:17-24

So, I'm back at it again! I just finished memorizing 8 verses. Praise God! I am aware of his help and mercy to me this morning in allowing me to memorize so much.

But if some of the branches were broken off, and you, although a wild olive shoot, were grafted in among the others and now share in the nourishing root of the olive tree, do not be arrogant toward the branches. If you are, remember it is not you who support the root, but the root that supports you. Then you will say, "Branches were broken off so that I might be grafted in." That is true. They were broken off because of their unbelief, but you stand fast through faith. So do not become proud, but fear. For if God did not spare the natural branches, neither will he spare you. Note then the kindness and the severity of God: severity toward those who have fallen, but God's kindness to you, provided you continue in his kindness. Otherwise you too will be cut off. And even they, if they do not continue in their unbelief, will be grafted in, for God has the power to graft them in again. For if you were cut from what is by nature a wild olive tree, and grafted, contrary to nature, into a cultivated olive tree, how much more will these, the natural branches, be grafted back into their own olive tree.

Chloe

My little girl is 3 years old.  She has been three since May 14th, but still it amazes me. For months she said she would be "three in May". Now, we can't convince her that she is three!  She insists, "three in May!".  I love this funny girl!  Just a few minutes ago I heard her calling to me saying, "You've gotta see this!"  I walked into her room to find her buckled into a babydoll carrier! 

Kevin and I often ask Chloe, "How much does Daddy (or Mommy) love you?"  One day, while talking with Kevin, he asked her the question and they went through the routine.  She stretched her little arms out and said, "Thiiiiiiis much!?" And Kevin said that her arms were too little to show how much he loves her.  Now, every time we play this game, after she stretches her arms out as wide as she can, she brings them back in front of her and looks a little sad and says, "My awms awe too little."  Adorable!

I walked away, having finished this post, to get Chloe from her room.  After Chloe's commentary, I had to add it in. She said, "My pee-pee is always trying to get out! So I RUN to my potty!  But I can't run 'cause the pee-pee will fall out!" She certainly makes me smile! 

She is sweet and affectionate and smart and I can't wait to see what this year holds!  I plan to post pictures soon - I've been camera challenged of late.  

Thanks for hanging in there with this blog.  The last several weeks have been strange and wonderful so I've been away from my computer a lot.  I'll try to update on everything soon. There is so much to tell...