When Jenn Dabb babysits...

Someone asked me where the black and white pictures of Chloe came from (posted on previous days).  We have the privilege to live the the Dabb's amazing basement apartment so, as frequently as we are healthy, we babysit for each other.  Here is what happens when Jenn babysits:

Not only do we get outstanding care for our children, but we also get beautiful pictures! Thanks so much, Jenn, for serving us so well!

Romans 2:20-24

Today, we will complete the sentence from yesterday:

an instructor of the foolish, a teacher of children, having in the law the embodiment of knowledge and truth - you then who teach others, do you not teach yourself?  While you preach against stealing, do you steal?  You who say that one mush not commit adultery, do you commit adultery?  You who abhor idols, do you rob temples?  You who boast in the law dishonor God by breaking the law.  For, as it is written, "The name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you."

Funny girl

I love the way Chloe talks right now.  She has all the common little kid speech impediments. She has a lisp that is just adorable!  It makes some relatively normal words really funny!  The other day she said this to Kevin while looking at his belt: "Daddy, you're wearing a seatbelt!" She said this while snuggling with Kevin on the couch, "My teeth are getting longer!"

I love it and I know someday (too soon) she won't say these things anymore.

Romans 2:17-19

Today I memorized: 

But if you call yourself a Jew and rely on the law and boast in God and know his will and approve what is excellent, because you are instructed from the law; if you are sure that you yourself are a guide to the blind, a light to those who are in darkness...

Tomorrow's work will complete the sentence!

Romans 2:12-16

Today's memory work:

For all who have sinned without the law will also perish without the law, and all who have sinned under the law will be judged by the law.  For it is not the hearers of the law who are righteous before God, but the doers of the law who will be justified.  For when Gentiles, who do not have the law, by nature do what the law requires, they are a law to themselves, even though they do not have the law.  They show that the work of the law is written on their hearts, while their conscience also bears witness, and their conflicting thoughts accuse or even excuse them on that day when, according to my gospel, God judges the secrets of men by Christ Jesus.

Sickness

We are finally emerging from a week of sickness.  Chloe had the worst of it and is eating normally today for the first time in 6 days.  It is amazing how my perspective has changed in those days.  Last week seeing her eat wasn't anything special.  Today, great joy is found in watching her eat a meal or drink milk.  For Chloe, drinking milk is like getting a piece of chocolate cake.  She LOVES milk.  She has loved it her whole life and is thrilled when she gets it.  I'm talking jump-up-and-down-and-giggle excited about milk!  Over the last 6 days we have had to withhold this thing that she loves.  It was sad then, but today was a wonderful end to that time.  So far she is keeping it down which means she can have more after lunch.  What a happy day for our little girl!  

Romans 2:1-11

Yesterday's memory work:

Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges.  For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things.  We know that the judgment of God rightly falls on those who practice such things.  Do you suppose, O man - you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself - that you will escape the judgment of God?  Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?  Rom. 2: 1-4

Today's memory work:

But because of your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath when God's righteous judgment will be revealed.  He will render to each one according to his works: to those who by patience in well-doing seek for glory and honor and immortality, he will give eternal life; but for those who are self-seeking and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, there will be wrath and fury.  There will be tribulation and distress for every human being who does evil, the Jew first and also the Greek, but glory and honor and peace for everyone who does good, the Jew first and also the Greek.  For God shows no partiality.     Rom. 2:5-8

Heaven

The other day, Chloe was asking about our baby.  

Chloe: Mommy, is there a baby in your tummy?

Me: No, sweetheart.  The baby isn't there anymore.

Chloe: Why?

Me: He is in heaven now with God. (We discussed this in more detail a few days earlier.)

Chloe:  Okay.

A few moments pass.

Chloe: I'm going bye-bye.

Me:  Oh?  Where are you going?

Chloe: To heaven.

Me (pausing in my activity): Why? (knowing what was coming)

Chloe: To see the baby.

(My heart seems to stop)

Chloe:  Jake is coming with me.

Me (weakly):  Okay.

Chloe:  We're here!  Jake, you stay in the car.

(Jake gets out of his seat)

Chloe: Jake, you come with me.

Chloe (Walks across the kitchen, then comes running back to me):  Look Mommy!! I found the baby!!  Look, right here, I found the baby.  

Chloe is holding a bright orange ear-plug (this deserves some explanation, but that's another post).  She is cradling it in her hands, holding it close to her face and mine.  Her voice is gentle now.  I hug my little one, wanting to hug our baby too.

It is a moment I hope I never forget.

Romans 1:28-32 and my kids

Today's memory work:

And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done.  They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice.  They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness.  They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless.  Though they know God's decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.  Romans 1: 28-32

As I memorized these verses today, God moved in my heart and I was sobered by my role as a mom.  Verse 32 was particularly affecting.  I know God's decree that those who sin against him deserve to die.  I am not loving my children if I do not gently correct them when they "practice such things".  I cannot be one who gives approval to my children when they disobey me.  I see many of these things in my children and in my own heart.  I am aware today of the seriousness of their sin (and mine) and of my role in showing them their need for a Savior.  My job in instructing, training, and correcting my little ones is to point them to God, to Christ, to the cross. My children are not innocent.  They are sinners in need of a Savior.

Just like me.

Father, help me to faithfully point my little ones to you.

It Is Well

Dave and Jenn Dabb are having care group right now and I can hear them worshipping (we live in their basement).  They are singing "It is well with my Soul".  Today marks 2 weeks since our D & C.  I had a check up and the news is good.  I am healthy and have healed very well.  It was hard to sit in the waiting room where I am usually waiting to hear a rapid heartbeat or to see tiny fingers and toes.  Kevin held my hand and wiped my tears and washed me in the Word.

It is well with my soul.

After the appointment, Kevin and I had the opportunity to just sit and talk.  (Thank you, Jenn, for watching the kiddies.)  I was sharing some of my thoughts about our little ones who are already in heaven.  I have so many questions.  It is hard to bend my mind around the idea that they are really there.  They are home and I am not.  Again, my husband held my hand and wiped my tears and washed me in the Word.

It is well with my soul.

Kevin encouraged me to study heaven in order to inform my heart with truth rather than my own pictures of what might be.  What wonderful counsel my husband provides!  So, I intend to begin my study soon.  My prayer is that my longing for heaven will increase and that God will be glorified as I pursue him in his word.  Father, you are holding my hand and collecting my tears and washing me in your Word.

It is well with my soul!  

1 Peter 4: 12 & 13 - Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.

1 Peter 4:19 - Therefore let those who suffer according to God's will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.

It is your will that I suffer and I will entrust my soul to you and seek to do good according to the strength and power you provide.

And I will rejoice for it is well with my soul!

Romans 1:24-27

Today's memory work:

Therefore, God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves; because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.  For this reason, God gave them up to dishonorable passions.  For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.

Saturday

I had grand plans for Saturday. Kevin's parents were taking Jake so that we could have some special time with Chloe. I dreamed of holding her hand and laughing and doing wonderful, memory-making activities. Well, first Kevin and I would attend the parenting seminar at the church, but after that we would spend the rest of the day together! Wait, we also have a surprise birthday lunch to attend, but after that, it is just me and you kid! I knew it wasn't going to be the whole day, but it would still be more time alone with Chloe than we normally had. I planned a trip to the Natural History Museum. I could just picture her face when she saw all of those animals! Dinosaurs! She has never seen dinosaurs except in pictures. I could already see the wonder in her eyes and I could hear myself telling her all sorts of wonderful stories and truths. "Chloe, God made all of these things! Isn't God good?!", I would say. We would follow that with a trip to Georgetown Cupcakes, a recent favorite of ours. We would let her pick out a special little cake and have them put it in one of their pink boxes. I could hear her giggle with excitement!

Father, your plans are not ours. I had grand plans for Saturday. The things I had most looked forward to didn't happen. When the day was done, I was feeling a little disappointed. God's plans are not mine. That day, our souls were fed and we were trained in parenting. I was cared for by four women who have been praying for me. We were able to celebrate the birthdays our a dear couple, Andrew and Steph Mahr. We had dinner with Kev's parents. We made a memory with Chloe (with crepes and ice cream). That night, Kevin and I were able to spend 3.5 hours talking and enjoying time together. It was not the day I had planned, but, oh, what a wonderful day! Lord, your plans are better than ours! You give us what we actually need and what is best for us. Thank you.

I love these two and they LOVE ice cream!

Romans 1:20-23

Today's memory work:

For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made.  So they are without excuse.  For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened.  Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things.

New Mercies

I am freshly aware right now that God's mercies are new every morning.  Kevin and I had care group last night.  Kevin lead men's meeting at the Conroy's and the ladies joined me here.  It is always such a sweet time of fellowship.  These ladies are pursuing help from one another and pouring out their lives in order to grow.  They desire to serve their husbands, to be faithful in the season they are in, and to memorize God's word.  They are very busy women.  Ladies, thank you for coming ready and eager to pursue fellowship.  

For me, there is an after care group high.  I am always wired.  I am usually excited and provoked.  Sometimes I am burdened for the women I love and want to make things better for them.  These are the times I must trust God.  He cares for them far more and far better than I do.  He holds their futures and has made the boundary lines fall in pleasant places for them.  Isn't God kind?!  

As for my husband and I, we always stay up way too late after care group.  Last night was particularly bad!  Ladies meeting went until around 10:30 (usually ends at 9:30 but there was much to be done).  After the meeting, Kevin and I just sit on the couch and talk.  I love the time with him.  Last night we also got into other things: cleaning off the bookshelf, reading old letters, discussing things that could wait until morning, etc.  It was nearly 2 am before we collapsed into bed, laughing at the "nap" we would take.  So, today, I cling to God's mercy to sustain me.  (Coffee doesn't hurt either).  He provides the energy I need and helps me to depend in him when the kids are climbing on me and I just want to close my eyes and sleep.  What joy there is in knowing Him!  I am grateful for His help all through the day.

Romans 1:16-19

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.  For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, "The righteous shall live by faith." 

For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth.  For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them.

After Care Group

Sitting on the couch with my husband after care group is one of my favorite things.  He is my best friend and I am blessed to serve along side him.  Thank you, sweets, for leading us so well!

Romans

I have committed to memorizing Romans for most of this year.  I will post the day's verses as often as I remember to.  Please ask me how it is going!

1:11-13    For I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you - that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith, both yours and mine.  I want you to know, brothers, that I have often intended to come to you (but thus far have been prevented), in order that I may reap some harvest among you as well as among the rest of the Gentiles.

Perhaps I will also tackle 14 and 15 today:

1:14-15    I am under obligation both to Greeks and to barbarians, both to the unwise and to the foolish.  So I am eager to preach the gospel to you also who are in Rome.

Baby No. 3 - One Week Later

Today has been pretty "normal".  Right now my children are in their rooms; Jake sleeping, Chloe playing.  We have sorted through Christmas toys and picked new favorites.  We are trying to get back on a schedule after holidays and heartache.  Yesterday was a week since we found out that our 3rd little one's heart had stopped beating.  We had an appointment for a routine check-up and I was 12.5 weeks pregnant.  Kevin, Chloe and I saw the ultrasound: a tiny baby, not moving.  It was crushing news.  A wave of sadness and tears poured over me and out of me.  Kevin cared for both of his girls at that moment.  I was not totally surprised.  God, in his kindness, had begun to prepare my heart in the three days before the appointment.  I had some light spotting and when I weighed myself on Monday morning (it is better not to be surprised at the weight gained when pregnant!) I found that I had lost weight.  (Those of you who have known me through my previous pregnancies know that I do not lose weight, I gain it like crazy!)  I had a feeling in my heart that things were not well.  The doctor, nurse, and ultrasound tech were tremendously compassionate.  

I have thought much of our little one lately.  We had already made plans and dreamed dreams for this tiny addition to our family.  It is hard for me to imagine my little ones in heaven.  We have two children there already.  Kevin and I lost our first baby before Chloe was born when I was 6 weeks pregnant.  Thinking of this lately makes me long for heaven and home.  

Just now, Chloe interrupted my writing by calling me to her room so that I could see what she "put on myself!"  This is what I found!

What a joy she is, my funny girl!  She and her brother are constant reminders of God's grace to us.  They bring much laughter into our home, even in the face of suffering.  Praise God who has poured out abundant mercy and grace into our lives!

Blogging

So, I have considered this for a long while. I do not feel that I have anything to add to the world of blogs. I have no original ideas, no wise sayings to put out there, but my mom would like me to start blogging. She wants to see more of the grandkids and to see on the Internet the funny stories I call and share with her. Mom, thanks for encouraging me to get started.

As for the rest of you, join me as I share about my days as a stay-at-home wife and mom. I'm sure this will be filled with the mundane turned humorous, the sayings of a 2.5 year old, the joys of a Christian living in fellowship with other believers, and the wonderful adventures of marriage. I will try to be a faithful blogger, but I can't make any promises.

May the stories and pondering presented here bring glory to God!