I use this phrase too often. It typically means I am tempted or have been surviving a difficult day.
Today is one those days...
I feel the joy of mothering; there is peace in my house.
What made the difference between this morning and the last?
Maybe it was the fresh reminder of the Gospel I received last night.
Yesterday, I took the kids to the store and through a variety of circumstances (Besty Ricucci would call these providences) I found myself very angry at one of my children; sadly, not an unusual situation. I stood there, in the middle of the grocery store, fighting for faith. I stood still for several minutes trying to decide what to do. I left very aware of my anger and sinfulness. Questions raced through my mind even as I tried to take them captive, "Why do I still get so angry?" "Will I always respond in anger?" I saw little hope for change, though (by God's grace alone) I was aware that my status before the Lord was/is secure in Jesus.
The rest of the day was fine; not joy-filled, but fine.
Last night we had our first Mahaney Meeting. Each month we have the privilege of meeting with CJ and Carolyn Mahaney for 2 plus hours. This generous usage of their time has already proven life-changing for me. In typical CJ-fashion, we were freshly reminded of the gospel. The gospel oozes from CJ's pores. He is saturated in it and seems to be always affected as he speaks of what Christ has done for him, for us. So, in light of the exhortation to remember the gospel, this morning I read through "A Gospel Primer". I was deeply moved as I reflected on and rehearsed God's grace to me. This line in particular, was affecting for me, "No wrath is awakened in God at my sin, because Christ appeased it..."
No wrath.
No wrath because
Christ appeased it.
He took it.
He bore it in full brunt on that Tree.
I do not deserve this great salvation. I don't deserve it "on my holiest day", much less any other sin-filled day. I am never, could not ever be, worthy of this great love and mercy.
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